Personification of Lifegiver—redeemed

I am Lifegiver—redeemed.

Now that I know the God who is Life and the triumph which His love brings, I have a whole new foundation for my being. God is good, and life is worthwhile in spite of its pain.

I am regaining the joy of giving by accepting the pain and struggle. I do all I can to alleviate my sufferings and those of others. But even when pain and death do hold sway, I am not utterly quenched or without hope. At the depths of suffering, I keep finding Christ who is there before me.

I eagerly seek to have children, both physically and spiritually. I’m learning to navigate between neglecting them and smothering them by keeping my eyes on Jesus, the ultimate Lifegiver.

Even though I have made progress in accepting my own struggles, I still flinch at the idea of my children having to suffer. I so want to protect them. When I first started reading the Bible, I was absolutely horrified to read about those Old Testament people sacrificing their children to idols.
Finally, it dawned on me that people always give their children to their gods−whether Chemosh or Convenience, Molech or Money. That’s what a god is−the one to whom you give your all.

So now I pray daily that my love will be so strong that I might give them to God and to themselves, for with the true God you can’t do one and not the other. This is a lofty goal, but it takes a lot of  perseverance in the trenches. There’s always so much to do and so much to learn about how to feed, nurse, comfort, and encourage. You can’t do it in chaos. It takes time to nurture life, and a certain amount of security. I’m learning to let my husband protect me where he can and when he will. I need havens so I can do my very important work. That failing, I’m learning more why God delights to call Himself the Champion of Widows and a Father to the Fatherless.

There is much to which I look forward. I dream of my children coming to maturity and walking in truth. That’s the main joy I want from this life. In the next life, I look forward to love and joy being forever safe and secure and not mashed together with pain and grief the way they are down here. Also, I look forward to beholding the New Jerusalem, our mother, our home from above, upon whose breasts all of God’s children will finally be comforted.


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